trog1

trog·lo·dyte

noun \ˈträ-glə-ˌdīt\

1: a member of any of various peoples (as in antiquity) who lived or were reputed to live chiefly in caves

2: a person characterized by reclusive habits or outmoded or reactionary attitudes

 

First of all, big shout out to Merriam Webster, and all of the other definitional heroes out there doing big things. Without you, I would have had to just make something up and that would be no good for anybody involved, I can promise you that. Second of all, although I’m highly interested in antiquity and pretty much anything that begins with the five letter sequence “antiq,” which according to Google’s auto-fill consists of antiques in various localities and pretty much nothing else, we’re not really going to address the first definition. Moving on.

When I was a child of an unremembered age, I received a Word of the Day calendar for Christmas. Being the precocious young go-getter I was at the time, I decided to ruin the entire year’s worth of daily delights over the course of the next 45 minutes. I rifled through it at a rate that can only be characterized as alarming until, all of a sudden, I was awestruck by a word, the likes of which I’d never seen. For the first time in my life, I knew what it was like to fall in love (kind of blah honestly). There I stood, staring at this word, studying it, learning its letters, its definitions, usages, and origins, falling ever deeper under its dastardly and enchanting spell. I was hooked, this was it, this word was The One. And then there was this word, sitting there, staring unblinkingly back at my expectant and longing eyes, saying nothing, doing nothing, giving nothing in return, blissful in its ambivalence, utilizing its ambivalent nature to destroy the entire essence of my being. I was scorned, broken, scarred. This word was troglodyte, and though this word dealt me a near fatal emotional blow, it is a word that I will never forget, because for that one moment, before everything fell apart, I had it, and it had me, and we were a match made in heaven.

And now, a brief excerpt from an everyday conversation utilizing the word troglodyte. Read, absorb, digest, transmogrify, and disseminate at your discretion.

Suzie: Hey hun, love you, Jenny with a Y is coming over, but I can’t get ahold of Jenni with an I. Have you talked to her in, like, forever? [quizzical head tilt, hair twirl with finger]

Becky: Oh, hey girl, love you too, no, I haven’t talked to Jenni with an I for, like, ever! She’s been a total trog (abbrev.) lately! [look of disgust]

Suzie: Bex, ohmigod. What. Is. A. Trog?! [confused scrunchy face, string of hair in mouth]

Becky: Well Suzie, I’m glad you asked. Trog is the truncated version of the word troglodyte. Calling someone a troglodyte in this day and age indicates that they have been exhibiting increasingly reclusive habits, much like our dear friend Jenni with an I. In fact, she’s beginning to really alienate her entire friend group with her outmoded and sometimes reactionary attitudes towards us. On the one hand, I’m a little worried for her; is she sad? Is she depressed? Is she OK? On the other hand, maybe she’s begun to realize that the relationships that we’ve built with one another are starting to hold her back, beginning to stunt her growth if you will, and this is just her way of initiating the process of severing ties with us and that will ultimately allow her to blossom. Maybe we should think of Jenni with an I as a caterpillar that has vanished into its cocoon, who one day, with any luck, will emerge from said cocoon as a beautiful butterfly. Which path is Jenni with an I heading down? Alas, I do not know, but time will tell Suzie, time will tell [sly grin indicating smug self-satisfaction].

End scene.

Now get out there and be worldly, and if you meet any troglodytes, treat them like people, because trogs are people too.

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