You CAN Buy Her Love…

There comes a point in a man’s life when he must face the ever-dreaded question: what do I get her?

 

And many, many times, a man just simply has no clue. Take my friend Rose who was two weeks into seeing a guy when her birthday rolled around. It wasn’t the guy’s fault her birthday had such unfortunate timing. But, what to do? A card is kind of awkward. Flowers probably seemed like a cop out. So he bought her a Tiffany’s necklace. She, of course, was creeped out.

 

I know. Buying gifts for women can be as agonizing as waiting for DRose to return to basketball. So I’ve broken down some of the classics so you know when, where, and how they’re appropriate.

 

flowerFlowers: I’ll never understand why this gift is so underutilized. If you’re in a relationship, send your girlfriend flowers to her work. On a Tuesday. Just because. Whatever follows after…you’re welcome. This also goes well if you’ve just started dating someone. But don’t bring flowers if you’re meeting your date. It creates this awkward where-do-I-put them situation for the girl. We have enough troubles trying to figure out how to gently place our Marc Jacobs purses on the floor; we don’t need to be stressed about crushing some tulips with our heels.

 

Jewelry: As seen with the aforementioned story, this one can be tricky—especially if you don’t know the girl very well. For the record, I think that guy made a golden game time decision. If you’re going to buy jewelry, and you don’t know a lot about jewelry, Tiffany’s is a pretty sure thing. Like Justin Bieber’s decline. However, I’ve received some very nice pieces that I was told were purchased with the help of some lovely Macy’s attendants. The jewelry is high quality, and more bang for you buck. Pun. Intended.

 

Chocolate: Past 7th grade, this is unacceptable.

 

Vacation: My friend Dick bought his wife a trip to Paris for her birthday. That Christmas, he got her a personal shopping tour for that trip. Brilliant. Although now his bar is set so high he’s going to have to start buying her Olive Garden gift cards just to bring her expectations back down to reality.

 

Attire: You can only buy a woman clothing if you know her really well. Do not buy her jeans or pants of any kind. Because if she doesn’t fit into them, she will hate herself, and then you for making her feel like a fat ass. Buy her something feminine, like a dress, but it has to be in sync with her style. (If you’re reading this and thinking, “…her style…?” then stop and go back to the jewelry department at Macys.) Trust me, if she opens something that looks like Kate Upton’s hand-me-downs, she’s gonna be pissed. (i.e. “What’s wrong with the way I dress?” “Do you want me to look like a hooker?”) But just as important as the clothing item is the message with it: I thought of you when I saw this; I just thought this would look amazing on you. Trust me, these are phrases she will repeat to her girlfriends, mom, and diary.

 

All further questions and clarifications can be directed to following contacts. Good luck.

@chloecline

chloecline34@gmail.com

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